"Phaedra"

I was so frustrated this morning. I had met my writing buddy and was going to start my new story. A real start, not just some brief notes jotted on a yellow legal pad.

But I couldn't get started. It wasn't coming together. I kept trying to force it but the story I was going to write entitled "Samsara" wouldn't come. I knew it was there. I knew it had to be told. But I couldn't make it surface. Couldn't make it gel.

I couldn't even write the first line.

I was very frustrated. My writing buddy tried to help with several good suggestions. Not her fault. Nothing was working for me. I drove home two hours later in a total funk. I ate lunch and then crawled into bed. To hell with the day. I give up.

An hour later I awoke and got my laptop back out. I started a brand new Haxan story entitled "Phaedra" and worked on it all day and into the night. A retelling of the mythical story Phaedra. Haxan is good for things like that. Twenty-seven pages, most of 5500 words but the story is finished. It's solid. I wrote it all in two sittings. It flowed. It just poured out of me. I swear the damn thing wrote itself, all twenty-seven pages.

I still want to write "Samsara" someday. I will. But today I guess I had to write "Phaedra" first. Well, sometimes the Muse is like that. Don't ever bet against her. You'll always lose.

I"m tired now. It's past midnight and I'm off to bed.

Today was a good writing day after all.

"Death Storm" Finds A Home

Drops of Crimson accepted my short story "Death Storm" for their February 'Blood and Roses' issue. I'm happy about this. I've always liked this story and its character, Takeo Sugawara. I'm glad it found a home and will now have readership.

"Death Storm" is one of my Sugawara tales and a personal favorite of mine. I love Japanese culture and it often arises (as does martial arts) in some of my fiction. (Oh, yeah, I often write about Russians, too.) I readily admit I'm a Japanophile and I'm entranced with the Samurai culture. (These stories take place pre-Edo Period.) I like the honor and loyalty and selflessness. Anytime you put poetry, flower arrangement and swords together you're on the right track as far as I'm concerned. Of course they were also very violent which has story potential, especially for a brooding loner like Takeo Sugawara who has one big Mad-On. He carries a famous sword called "Falling Flowers" (Many of the famous swords of that time had names) because when he uses it heads fall like...well, you guessed it.

When I was writing about him his stories often wrote themselves. I toyed with the idea some years back of writing a full-blown Sugawara novel. But the market place is up to its eyeballs with Asian-based fiction and I've never been one to jump on a bandwagon. But that's okay, too. I'm not sure there's a novel there anyway, if truth be told, and the stories I've written and had published over the years pretty much tell his complete tale, although not in chronological order. (That is, they weren't written or published in chronological order.)

There's still one Sugawara story idea that's been clanking around in my head for many years. Maybe someday I'll write it. I hope so.

Anyway, I'm happy about this placement. I like Drops of Crimson, I think they publish good work and I'm happy to be associated with them. And the editor, J. Lee Moffatt, said she "loved, loved, loved" the story which made me feel really good because, like I said, this has always had a special place in my heart, too.

I'll provide a link and stuff when then story appears next February if anyone is interested....

Long, Slow Afternoon (I deserve it)

I finished my story. It came in around 5500 words or so. In the immortal words of another writer, I don't think it entirely sucks.

Now I'm going to enjoy the rest of the afternoon lounging around on the deck and drinking whiskey....

Crunch Write

I'm setting this weekend aside to finish my short story "White Hawk". The weather isn't supposed to be too bad, either, so maybe I'll do a bit out on the deck. I'm going to meet this goal.

Flame on!

Contracts and Coffee Mugs, Oh My!

Today I met my writing buddy and did three pages on "White Hawk" which maybe isn't a lot but it was a good three pages. I see the story even clearer than I did before. Many of the previous Haxan stories ran about 7k. This one looks to be a mite shorter which is always helpful for marketing.

I'm toying with the idea of doing a crunch-write and finishing the story this weekend. Not sure if that will happen, but it's nice to dream.

Also today I signed and mailed the contracts for the reprint of my short story "Tryst" for Three Crow Press. Man, that little story has been good to me in a lot of ways. Can't complain if someone likes it enough to want to pay for a reprint. Okay, it's not much...still money, though.

Remember my other story "Heart's Issue" that appeared in Drops of Crimson? They now have a little CafePress thing going on the side. Check it out. I'm going to get the coffee mug, it looks cool: Drops of Crimson Shop.

Haha, and if you really want a blast from the past here's the old coffee mug CafePress did for my Strange Horizons story "Slugball" illustrated by frankwu . All that stuff is no longer avaliable, but you can see a little picture of the coffee mug. There was the usual stuff like bookbags and shirts but we also had Christmast ornaments! Frank and I always laughed about that. (We still do. It doesn't take much to make us laugh.) Heck, I bet Ernest Hemingway never had Christmas ornaments. Take that, Hemingway. You, too, Melville because you didn't have one either, you poser.

In other news I slipped on ice today and liked to blew my fucking knee out. I'm okay, no harm done. I'm so agile and my reflexes so cat-like I was able to avoid any serious damage. I just included the phrase "liked to blew my fucking knee out" because it sounded dramatic. It's still true, however, that I have cat-like reflexes. That part is true. No, it is. Okay. Don't believe me. Fine. I can live with that. Mad? No, I'm not mad. Why would I be mad? Let's just move on. I'm a liar, I guess, that's all. No, I'm not going to forget it. What? Do I often have these conversations with myself? Why, as a matter of fact I do.... Scare you, much?

Right now I"m watching the Palladium Channel on TV. They're showing the old documentary Monterey Pop and Jimmy Hendrix is doing things with a guitar human beings weren't meant to do. Amazing talent. If you've never seen this documentary I urge you to give it a peek. Really good filmmaking and the music is seminal.

Well, that's about it for tonight. I'm wrapping things up around here. I'll read a bit and crawl into bed. 'Nite.

From Little Imps Do Great Ogres Grow

You know how it is. You have a little edit suggested to you by someone you trust but it's not much so you figure "Fug it, I'll do it later."

And then someone else gives you some other advice on a completely different story and you know they're right, but it won't take very long so you figure you'll do that tomorrow because right now you're eating peanuts.

And this story. And that one over there. And the other.

Before you know it you're talking about a really big time investment. Now you've got a big mean ogre staring down at you demanding to be taken care of. He has a great big club with iron power-points and all you have is a hand with some skin on it. Yeah. Like that.

So that's what I've been doing all morning. This edit here and this edit there, oh shit I forgot this one too, because my friends know what they're talking about and these changes need to be made. So I've made them. But it took a lot of time because there were a lot of them even though they were little and I kept putting it off.

Why do I do that? Dunno. Go figure.

Now, where did I put those peanuts...?

"White Hawk"

"I walked between the bodies. Everyone was dead. Horses, dogs, men."


Got three pages under my belt yesterday at the coffee shop. Feels like a solid start. Welcome to Haxan!

What Writing Is, Charlie Brown

I know your life is chaos right now. I know that and you know that.

But sometimes you have to be a right bastard if you ever want to write. Sometimes you have to shove other people out of the way and make room for yourself so you can write. It's not a nice thing to think about. I know that. But no one can write for you. You have to do it yourself because you are a writer. Don't forget that.

You see, writing isn't like any other thing. It's completely you, no one else. Therefore, since that's true, sometimes you must push people aside, even those you love, to make the room you need so you can write. Yeah. It's very selfish. But writing demands selfishness on our parts. It doesn't allow anything else to impinge upon the freedom it wants to have in our minds, and its desire to express itself on paper because writing is even more selfish than we are.

Writing will NEVER be loyal to you. The only loyalty will be what you have for your writing.

Like I said, writing is very selfish. It has to be or you're really not writing. In the words of Truman Capote, you're "typing."

You have to get that straight in your mind. Listen, it's not your talent, it's not your ideas, it's not your perception that you have to overcome. It's YOU. You have to overcome you so your writing can prevail. In a word: you must submit.

Writing isn't happy with second place, either. It demands it be first in your heart and mind and soul. Writing isn't interested in being best friends. It wants to be all. And you have to make that commitment. You have to move beyond the point where writing is a game. It has to become your breath. Your living breath.

Speaking for myself I don't see that in everyone who says they want to be a writer. But I see it in some people and they got me to thinking about it yesterday. You have to plant your flag and say, "Okay, I'm in all the way" and then go down with the ship if that's what's called for. Because writing doesn't make any promises, either. There are no guarantees and there never will be. Writing doesn't meet you half way. You have to climb Mt. Everest and then jump a little higher and you still might fail.

Writing gives nothing. It only takes. And as a writer you have to give and give.

That's what writing is about, Charlie Brown. And I think you can do it and I think you need to do it and I will always be there for you. But even so all I can do is show you the landscape.

You have to go into it alone. And once you're there, never turn back.

Man, is there ever some nasty stuff swimming around in the Styx

Finished the story. Done done. I'm glad and relieved. Now it's in the hands of my first readers and I can concentrate on a new story. Yep. We're going back to Haxan.

Someone asked me what the new Haxan story will be about. I gave my standard reply: "Oh, probably guns and wind and dust."

Then I got to thinking, Hey, maybe that was too flip. Then I thought some more and realized, Nope, that's about right.

Another friend remarked "Santa Claus doesn't come to Haxan."

I think that says it all.

Welcome to Haxan. It's a rough town. But somebody's gotta tell their stories. I got picked. What am I supposed to do? I can't ignore them. These people are talking to me. I have to tell what I hear.

Anyway, the next story has the working title of "White Hawk" and I'm looking forward to starting it tomorrow. I'll make a few notes tonight, though.

Rewrite

The rewrite/edit for "Styx" went much better than I thought it would. One more pass and I should be done.

I'm pretty happy with the way this story turned out. It's a relief. One more pass, two at the most, and this story will be done. Even better I can start thinking/planning/working on a new story tomorrow when I meet my writing buddy and not feel guilty about it.

Yeah, I'm happy. Take a picture while it lasts, lol.

Writing Angst...which this blog is all about, really

I mentioned before I have some old stories in my trunk that I've pretty much put aside because I'm mainly working on new stuff now. I'm doing that for a lot of reasons, mostly because I think it's the right thing to do. Many of those stories are tapped out and I think I've moved on both stylistically and artistically since I wrote them.

So I was in a bit of a quandary when I came across a magazine looking for a particular story type. I think I had something, but since I made the decision to move on from that older work it has to be the right kind of magazine for the right kind of story which I have moldering in the trunk. This didn't fit the criteria so I never submitted it.

Maybe a mistake. Maybe. But either I'm moving on or I'm not. Either I'm growing as a writer or I'm not. And I'm pretty damn certain I am.

Okay. That's not to say if a high-profile magazine wanted something and I thought I had a piece that was appropriate, I wouldn't submit it. So is this me just being picky or me really trying to make what I perceive as a much-needed course correction and trying to stick to it?

You can see my problem. I wouldn't be writing this entry if I wasn't 100-percent sure I made the right decision. I'm 99-percent sure. But that remaining one percent niggles at me.

Oh, well. What's done is done and the window for submission has elapsed. I have to trust my instinct that I did the right thing. I believe I did, anyway.

I also didn't do the rewrite for "Styx" this weekend. Not good, but not entirely unexpected. I want to start something new. I'd like to get at least two more stories under my belt before the year ends. That's my target. But I honestly should do the rewrite for "Styx" first and that's going to make things tight.

I'll just have to get it done, I guess.

Sorry for the grumbling. I'm just trying to work this all out....

Finished Today

Finished the last edit for "Till Death Do Us Part" and I'll send it out when I hear back from my first readers.

Not much else on the writing front to report. I'm still sifting through story ideas for my next project and of course I've got the rewrite for "Styx" circling me like a hungry buzzard. That story is so demanding. But I'm scheduling that for the upcoming weekend -- tentatively. Then my first readers will get it, too. Lucky them.

For myself I'm looking forward to getting back on my weekly schedule with my writing buddy. One thing does irk me. The old coffee shop where we used to meet closed down so we had to move our circus down the road a mile or two. This new coffee shop is busier than the old one...hence the reason it's still open, I guess. Still, I liked the other because it was much quieter and not as much bustle going on around me.

Oh, well, beggars and writers can't be choosers, it seems.

If I had anything more pithy to say I would say it. I don't, so I guess I'll end this post here.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Mice and Writers

Not much to report today which doesn't mean I didn't have a good day. Because I did.

I had a friend over and we did lunch. It was fun. Talked about writing and watched part of an old movie on TCM. Talked about writing some more. Who says the life of a writer isn't interesting?

Tomorrow I need to do a little edit on "Till Death Do Us Part" if only to show something for the week before Thanksgiving. I've been thinking very seriously about starting a new story next week, but I also have the rewrite for "Fishing the Styx" hanging over my head. Maybe I'll do "Styx" this weekend. Nothing else planned. If the weather's good I'll go out on the deck and work on that. I'd like to have it out of the way so I can start something new next week. That would be ideal.

But we all know how best laid plans oft gang agley. Ahem. That's true for mice as well as writers.

"Fishing the Styx"

I finished the new story and it's a big relief off my shoulders. This is one of the most difficult stories I've ever written. I think it's good, I think it might sell, but it was a tough one to write.

It could have gone either way: delve into comedy or be stuck in an act of self-pretension. Not surprising given the content and I wanted to straddle that line and just get a good story written. So it was a struggle. But I've finally finished it and can now turn my attention to a new Haxan story.

I'll let this current story lie fallow for about a week before I do any rewriting. I usually do this. Distance of time and space allows me fresh insight when I open up a story I've just finished and I'm able to do my editorial work without getting lost in the "newness" of the piece.

So all in all I'm satisfied about that and now looking for something new to work on. There are a few ideas banging around in the attic of my mind. I'll probably get some old stories sent out to new magazines and then start toying with starting another story. Again, like I said, one almost certainly to be set in the Haxan world.

Another Day

I've been struggling with a lot of things lately, some of them personal but most of them related to my writing. I go through dark periods like this every once in a while, but I think I'm starting to come out of this one.

It's just that I don't always think I have enough to say or anything deep to report on the blog, so I don't update. I haven't been writing lately, which is a bit of a bother. But it doesn't appear to be a block or anything like that as much as it's just laziness on my part. But I talked to a friend last night who helped me see some things in a bit of a different light and I'm more motivated now than I was.

I've tentatively put tomorrow down as a Big Writing Day. I'm clearing my calender of everything I can and will set aside the day to finish my latest story, "Fishing the Styx". It's been weighing on my mind too much, has been more difficult to write than I ever expected. So tomorrow is The Day. I'll just sit down and finish it, come what may. Not that I expect it will be a tough slog or anything. I actually believe it will go quite well. But it needs to be done so I can get back to writing the Haxan stories.

I also have two stories that have come back and I need to send them out to other editors. Not a big deal, but it's the kind of office work that I find imminently boring. Part of being a writer, though.

I know. It's not all perfume and roses, lol, who'd a thunk it?

I'm actually looking forward to working on the story tomorrow. I'm ready to get beyond it and it's ready to be finished. I can't do it today because I have some personal things that need attention, but tomorrow, as Scarlett sez, is always another day....

The "Me" Update

Busy today, but I got more writing done on the new story and have about nine pages total. Not bad. This might be a decent story if I can pull it off. Tricky, though.

I'll get up early tomorrow morning and head out for New Mexico. I'm really looking forward to this trip for a lot of reasons. I think it will be good for me and I can learn a lot. That's always good for a writer, especially when you can learn something new about yourself. I think so, anyway.

I've still got to pack tonight. I'll bring my laptop, of course, and post updates when possible. See ya!

Story and Voice

I did three pages on the Styx story this morning. It's coming along. More importantly I think I've found my voice for the story. I was missing that, too. It's still a bear, though.

Getting ready and psyched for the upcoming trip to New Mexico.

Primeval Scream

Maybe I need to rethink this.

I won't let this story beat me.

I must persevere.

It's like we're facing each other in the Thunderdome, except Tina Turner isn't around to show us her fantastic legs and nice rack. But, yes, as it stands now both of us have entered...and only one will walk out.

I won't let this story beat me. I will not quit.

Thinking It Through

Today I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and the first thing that popped into my mind was the story I'm working on.

You see, it's been worrying me. And I knew if I was waking up that fuggin' early then there was something seriously wrong with the story as I envisioned it and had so far written.

So I thought about it most of the morning and finally realized I was telling the story I wanted to tell, I was even telling the story that needed to be told. But I wasn't telling it the right way.

Let me explain. As it stands I'm in the middle of a flashback and the next scene will be another flashback spinning off that flashback. Now, I'm not one of the Ivory Tower Commandment From On High Types who says flashbacks in fiction is always wrong. Come to think of it, I kinda like flashbacks. But two in a row is probably a serious technical error and it hurts the story in a major way. So I thought some more while sitting with my Writing Buddy (and also in the midst of bugging the hell out of her while she was trying to write a book review, you know, doing actual writing work, but I kept chatterboxing and then she yelled at me to shut up and I kind of got the hint) and I figured out how I should have been writing this story in the first place.

So, yeah, I'm relieved. Because this has been going on for two days and like I said when I'm waking up in the middle of the morning and the story is nagging me that something is fundamentally wrong with it...well, you either gotta fix it or let yourself go slowly bonkers.

I'm not telling you this so I can show you how I'm such a dedicated writer eaten up with angst and desire for the perfection my art, and how you should not only pity me but hold me in esteem for my willingness to sacrifice to The Muse . Not a bit of it. I'm just mentioning it because sometimes, as a writer, you have to go through this kind of irritating bullshit before you see the story as it must be, not as you think it should be.

It was a good lesson for me. One I learned a long time ago but had forgotten. It was a good reminder, and one I needed.

This weekend I'm going out on the deck and start this story over. I'm looking forward to it. I can see it in my head much clearer now.

Man. It's a relief. Now I have to try and get that vision down on paper.

The hard part.

A Good Start

I found the beginning I needed (no, the beginning the story needed) and wrote 2300 words this afternoon and tonight. I feel good about the progress I have made so far.

I think it's a good start. A very good start. And if I don't fuck this up it might be kinda good.

At least I'm past the beginning and into the story now. It's really starting to open up in a big way for me, too, which is always helpful. And I want to thank everyone who had suggestions for me. I really do appreciate your help and your concern. That means a lot to me.

I'm tired now. Bath and a bit of reading, maybe a Gunsmoke radio episode or two, and I'm off to bed.

Exercise in Frustration

I don't see how to start this. I know the story, but I don't see the Why. And I can't write it if I don't know that. So it's kind of important.

Some stories you can feel your way through as you go. I don't think this is that kind of story.

I have to know the Why.

I've discarded like six different beginnings because they're not showing me the Why behind the story I want to tell. The story itself is correct. I trust my instinct on that point. But the Why is escaping me. It's like trying to pin a slimy pumpkin seed down with your thumb. No matter what amount of pressure you apply it keeps popping free.

It's very frustrating.

"Fishing the Styx"

"Hell isn't a gated community like heaven. Everyone is welcome here."

Fishing the River Styx

If you had money on Haxan you lost. My next story will have the working title "Fishing the Styx". I've made notes about it this afternoon: character names, place descriptions. I'll start it tomorrow when I meet my writing buddy at the coffee shop.

I"m looking forward to working on this story. I like the idea of fishing the Styx. Imagine what you could catch....

Better yet, imagine what you wouldn't want to catch....

Clearing the Decks

I've finished edits for both "High Moon" and "Till Death Do Us Part" and now I'm turning my attention to my next story. I'm writing these things faster than I can get 'em out to magazines for consideration. Which, I suppose, is better than not having stories to submit. But I expect I'll do some mailings either tomorrow or next day before the weekend arrives and get some of them out.

I know I said I was going to write something different, but let's face it: I'm stuck in Haxan. I like the characters and I like the setting and I'm nowhere near done telling stories about them. But I've also got a list of other story ideas and there is one or two that've been knocking around in my brain. I'll review my list tomorrow when I meet my writing buddy and see what I want to write about next.

I'm not particularly worried, just kind of curious what the next story is going to be about.

But if I were you I'd put my money on Haxan. Just saying.

Editing For Fun And Profit

I've learned long ago never to do a time study for my stories. What little I ever get paid in comparison to the hours I put in writing them is enough to make the most optimistic person go bonkers.

Today I'm going to edit "High Moon" since it's been sitting cold for a couple of weeks. Now would be a good time to take a look at it. Then I have a couple of business emails to write and then I can turn my attention to the next story.

Still not sure about that one, though.

I have some other stories out with editors. Haven't heard anything recently. This is a slow time with publishing, I think. Slower than usual, that is.

Story Finished!

I finished the new Haxan story, "Till Death Do Us Part" this afternoon. I'm still getting over this cold, but I felt guilty not working on the story even though I probably could have used another three or four days to build up my strength and health. I'm not saying this to show how committed I am, just to note that if I was feeling guilty for not writing then I must have been doing better than I felt.

This is one of the few stories I have ever written that is slated for a specific (and themed) market. Mostly, I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. Along with the length, right at 2,000 words, it was a bit of a challenge but I don't mind challenging myself when I write. It helps keep me interested.

If all I did was write the same story over and over I would bore myself. I like finding new ways to tell stories, and I think I did it in this short story.

So I'm pretty satisfied with what I accomplished. Now I can turn my attention to a new story. I know I said earlier I was going to write something different -- something non-Haxan -- and I think I will. It should be a nice change, a sort of break. Then I can go back to Haxan.

I'm not done with that town yet. Not by a damn sight.

Let's Play Catch Up While We Have The Chance

I'm finally getting over this bronchial crud I've had. It's the first day in about a week I've felt halfway human. Assuming I ever was. There's occasionally discussion of that from time to time. I have my own views.

I know I'm feeling better. I'm thinking about the story again and want to set the end of the week down as a timetable to finish. Pesky timetables! But I feel I can do this without driving myself into a relapse.

In other news: I'm about to hit the wall over Obama. I don't think he understands he's in a fight for his life. He'd better wake up. But you know what? If he doesn't, fine, I'm moving on and done with the Democrats. I'm already a Cubs fan. I don't need Double Losers in my life. Hell, and I'm a writer. That's Triple Loser. Sheesh. Cut me some slack, Universe.

I want coffee. I ate breakfast today which was a big difference from the rest of the week being sick and all, but I didn't have any coffee. To be truthful I probably feel better for not having all that caffeine flowing through my veins. Maybe I should rethink this.

I heard Five Star dropped their SF/F line. Bummer, but not surprising. Mystery and romance pay better and are easier to sell to libraries. SF (I can't speak as much for fantasy) has always been the redheaded stepchild of literature. They keep trying to pretend they're not, but they are and it's a reality we who work in the genre have to live with. Of course, how Hollywood depicts the genre doesn't help much, either. Most people think SF is all about bug-eyed monsters and rocket ships. Good luck trying to get that shit published nowadays.

It's been raining a lot lately and now it looks like we're get some over-splash from Hurricane Ike. All this wet weather isn't helping my cough and chest congestion any. Well, like I said, this post is pretty much all about me.

Chester went to the vet last Friday. He has a rash on his tummy, but it's nothing just a reaction to the grass. The vet wasn't concerned.

I've let slip through my fingers the last week getting my stories out to editors. Gotta get back on track with that, too.

Okay, time for some lunch. I see hot soup and crackers in my future.

Now. Wasn't that painless? Just say "yes" and move on. It's what I often do to keep myself quiet. :)

On Rejection

Even the "Stop killing trees!" has some piquancy. But it's the "I'll hold onto this unless something better comes along" that is really enervating.

"Till Death Do Us Part"

I started work on the new story today. Got three pages done. I'd like to keep this under (okay, around) 2,000 words because that's how I see the story length for this one. There's just no acceptable reason to stretch this one out because if I did that I think the story would lose impact.

We're getting a little wind from the remanants of Gustav. Don't know if it will rain. Whatever, I will work on the story tomorrow, except the AT&T guy is supposed to come out tomorrow and replace the lines so my Internet will work right. Well, he'll have to prove that.

Kenneth Mark Hoover, Writer 2.0

I'm not saying I'm putting aside all my old stories. There are one or two that might be salvageable. Heck, I sold an old story as a reprint a couple of weeks ago, but can't say anything specific about it right now because the magazine is still being put together. But I think that story might be the exception, at least as far as my older stories go, than the rule.

You see, when I made the decision to write nothing but short stories this year I was also making a conscious effort to reboot my writing career. I looked at my old stories that had not sold and decided I have moved on in a lot of different ways. I'm not saying they don't have any intrinsic value, because they do. I just decided they don't portray the voice I have now, and the voice I'm using now, the story I'm telling now. Or trying to. That's all.

So, yeah, I've rebooted myself. And so far I've been satisfied with what I've written and what I've been able to sell. And the inroads I've made with a few through these new stories. Even rejections, when viewed in that light, are valuable.

I don't know if what I'm doing is smart in the long run. Maybe I shouldn't be trunking all these unsold stories from last year and beyond. But I've done it anyway and I'm concentrating on all new stuff, at least for the remainder of this year. And it's kinda worked.

Yeah. I'm pretty happy with Kenneth Mark Hoover, Writer 2.0 so far.

So far.

Idea vs Story

Today I made my notes and fiddled with names and stuff for the new Haxan story. I have all that down, but it's only an idea right now. I don't see the story yet. I know it's there. I just have to dig a little deeper in the motivations of the characters to find it.

And that's cool. Sometimes story jumps right out from the idea and screams to be noticed. Sometimes you get the story in your head, but can't find the idea to use as a framework to tell the story.

I'll find it, eventually, I'm certain of that. Half the fun (oh, who am I kidding, all the fun) is finding it along with the characters themselves.

How I Write

I can carry a story in my head four or five days, but I don't go longer than that. I meet another writer once or twice a week at a coffee shop and write there for two or three hours each session and I will write at home during the day (out on the deck when the weather is nice) for as long as I want to. I don't keep regular hours; I see no need to as long as I keep making progress.

Sometimes my instinct will tell me I'm falling a little behind and I might put in a longer day to make it up. I don't obsess over how many words I write per day. There's a story about Oscar Wilde who worked in his room all morning. When he came down someone asked him what he did. "I put in a comma," he replied. He went back up after lunch and stayed the afternoon. When he came back down he was again asked what progess he had made. "I took the comma out."

I don't know if the story is true, but it sounds like Wilde. Some days are like that.

I often do the office donkey work (preparing mailings, queries, researching markets, etc) on Sunday so they can go out Monday. Anything I write during the day I often review at night, and then again the next day before I write more. I find this keeps the story fresh in my mind. Even if I skip a day of writing I will still often read through the story I have so far so I can keep it in the forefront of my mind, and, of course, I am ALWAYS thinking about the story no matter what I'm doing: driving, going to the store, listening to music, etc. The story is NEVER very far from my mind at any time, and I find this helps me quite a lot in both the creative process and understanding how the story must be written.

Of course, that's just me. Ask 100 writers and you'll get 100 different answers.

Tricky Endings

"High Moon" is coming along slowly. The ending is tricky. It's one of those endings that if I don't get right the reader will say, "Well, that was dumb" and I'm trying to avoid that for obvious reasons. Hence, the "tricky" part.

It's like feeling your blind way through a hall of Jell-O. Sure, you can push your way out, but it's better to follow the path, I think. Squishy, though.

Rewrite Request

Beneath Ceaseless Skies wants me to rewrite "Haxan" and resubmit. I thought about this all day yesterday, if A.) I wanted to do that, and B.) How I would do that.

I thought about it and figured out "B" easy enough. "A" was a little more difficult because I didn't want to make the story into something it wasn't meant to be. But after thinking about it I realized all they really want is to have some of the supernatural elements front-loaded in the story. I can see their concern with the current story structure and don't have a problem with fixing that.

I always approach a rewrite request with the same metric: Will this make the story better? If I'm convinced it does then I don't have a problem with a rewrite. This rewrite request doesn't really help the story much, in my estimation, but it doesn't hurt it, either. So on that basis I don't have a problem giving them what they want.

I'll be working on this today.

Diminishing Returns

I'm thinking about quitting and not for the first time. I'm...tired. Tired of the hoops I have to jump through, tired of the postage, tired of being treated like a POS by agents and editors alike, tired of writers themselves not willing to stand up to the publishers who take them for granted and therefore make everything harder on those of us who view this as art.

It's not worth it. I don't know if it's ever been worth it. I've become hard pressed of late to see any value in sitting alone in front of a computer screen for hours on end with absolutely NO guarantee of worthwhile outcome. And since self-publishing is an absolute anathema to me...well, that pretty much leaves quitting as my only option.

It's not that I don't believe I can't sell another story or even another novel. I just don't see the value in it any longer. It doesn't mean anything to me. It's not as important as it once was to me. I just don't CARE about it any more.

I wasted two years and three novels and got nowhere with them. That's a huge investment in time and energy and for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It's really got me bummed.

I'm not posting this on my other LJ. This is just for here. But it's how I feel lately, and no amount of quotations can change that right now.

Erasure

Color me irked.

I was thinking about my story these past few days and decided I don't like the direction it's headed so I'm going to delete the last page or so and find a new direction. No big deal, but the way I have it set up now gets my hero in trouble in a similar way he experienced in the first story. I'm guessing he's smart enough to have learned from past mistakes so I'll back up about 200 words and take off again.

I still hope to finish this story soon, though. Got a big query and manuscript mailing planned for Monday so that's kind of hanging over my head, too, cuz I gotta get it prepared.

Details, details....

On Writing and Being a Writer

All too often I hear the refrain "if you're not writing you're not a true writer". As if word production in itself is some magical requirement that awards the participant the mantle of a writer.

It's not about word production, or how many stories you sold or how much money you make or how high your platform is. It's about what's true in your heart. And that not only goes for writing but any endeavor you begin. I'm just putting this in the context of writing because, well, I'm a writer. It's what I know best.

When I was starting out I was in the same place most newbie writers are when they begin. I doubted I was a writer (though I wanted to be one) because I wasn't writing every day -- although I was writing sporadically. It is only with the passage of time and some experience under my belt that I can look back on those days and realize, Yes, Virginia, I was a writer.

Wow. Kinda cool. And I'm still one today. Who'd a thunk it?

You see, if I don't write another word for the rest of my life I will still be a writer. Nothing can change that. Ever. And that's the power of writing, of believing in yourself, of making the necessary sacrifices to get better and better by almost immeasurable increments (and sometimes measurable) until you reach a point where people not only want to read your work they want to PAY you for it.

Wow. Kinda cool. Who'd a thunk it?

When new writers begin there's a lot of starting and stopping. A lot of half-finished chapters and half-baked ideas that swirl around in your head like mashed bananas in a Cuisinart. But if you stick with it, if it's something you really want, then with time comes a professional measure of maturity. There are still half-finished chapters and half-baked ideas and a lot of starting and stopping....but you view it in the context of a larger framework. To wit: It's part of the process of story creation. You think Hemingway didn't write an occasional sentence that made his stomach turn? Joyce? Shakespeare? Get real. Of course they did. We all do. That's part of the Mephistophelian deal you enter into when you take on this profession. You're going to appall yourself at times with what you put on the page. The way you combat that is by having the cold-blooded passion to recognize the mistake, correct it, and move on. In other words, view it in the larger context of story creation.

I believe writing is first and foremost an art form. There are very good, technically brilliant, writers out there. But it is the artist who will often be remembered. I'm not arguing this is right or proper and I'm not arguing technicality doesn't have its place in the story. Joyce broke all the rules with Ulysses, but it's still a technically brilliant novel. No, I'm arguing that's just how it is. Art often trumps technical perfection. That's the creative dynamic in operation. That's the human quality.

And writing, just like everything else, is all about being human. Period.

Wow. Kinda cool.

Who'd a thunk it?

Lighthouse

I came across this quote speaking to the seeming futility of writing. I think it captures a philosophical truth about perseverance and why you should never quit: Mainly, because it's not about you. It's about the words themselves.

Often, it's easier to find cause and effect in a quote than reality. I understand that. And I'm not saying this quote ameliorates some of the doubts that have cropped up recently with my own writing. But it does provide an interesting context in my life right now and so that's why I'm acknowledging it.

Anyhoo, here it is:

"Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for a boat to save; they just stand there shining." --Anne Lamott

Facebook

Hi, I lost my Facebook profile and have to build a new one. Here's my profile. If we were friends before let's be friends again, and if we weren't friends, let's be friends now. (I'm in an expansive mood today.) Thanks!


http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1406857235

The Glass Key

Perseverance is key, but sometimes I wonder if it's made of glass. But it grinds you down after a while so it's hard to stay optimistic in the face of that. It's like the WWI pilots who knew they were going to die but went ahead and kept flying anyway because there was nothing else to do.

Submitting and resubmitting and submitting again often feels like that to me: pointless. But there's nothing else you can really do; that's how the game is played.

I'll have to think about this some more.

Once More Into the Breach....

I did about a thousand words on the new Haxan story this morning. I'd like to wrap that puppy up next week. Oh, and it's time for me to send out the next batch of query letters, too, so I've got that hanging over my head as well. I'm getting a lot of personal feedback on those and the trend is the same: economy sucks, no one is buying. It seems the agents themselves are unsure as to what the future is going to be like in the publishing world.

Like I said, I've heard this from three or four agents already. I have no reason to think they're lying to me. Three or four others have told me they're intrigued by my novel idea, but too busy to take it on. The remainder are of the "Dear Author" category. But this is the most personal response I've ever gotten from a query letter so I believe this common thread I'm seeing in responses is one I should factor in.

So the sucksville economy is now impacting the publishing world to some degree. Great. Like writing isn't difficult enough.

And you only have to go into a grocery store to see how suckery the economy is. Price of food and price of gas is hammer-fucking everyone up the ass. I've also noticed there is less traffic even at peak times on the roads. A lot of people simply can't afford to drive. And don't even get me started on postage rates.

Everything personal-wise with me is fine. I'm just tired. Mostly tired. I was going to a baseball game tonight but I think I'm going to stay home and catch up on some sleep or maybe read a little and relax. Over the last two weeks I've been feeling worn down. I have to try and reverse that trend; maybe that will help me with my sleeping patterns. We'll see.

"Dear Author...."

When you get a letter that starts off "Dear Author" you know there's no sense reading the rest.

Just wad that fucker up and start all over again....

Writing Weekend

I came to New Iberia to see my Great Uncle. But while I'm here I'll use the extra time I have to work on my new story, "High Moon". I don't know how much I'll get done, but I am looking forward to making some progress on it over the next couple of days.

Earlier to day I heard back from an agent who wanted to see a partial of my novel. She said it didn't grab her they way she expected so she decided to pass. I'm not disappointed. If anything I'm relieved my query letter grabbed her attention enough to request a partial. If I could get her interested in it I can get another...and maybe they will want to represent me.

Eh, you have to try and keep an optimistic attitude in this business. Otherwise, the reality of what you're going up against looms over you like a thunderhead.

Partial Request

Today an agent asked to see a partial of my novel. That's good. I don't mind being in the position of letting my writing speak for itself. I can live with that: Stand or fall on my writing alone. Even if nothing comes from this request, it tells me my query letter is a good one: she was intrigued. That's progress right there.

After I take care of this office work I might go out on the deck and see where this new short story is taking me. I'm kind of in a stuck place with it at the moment but I'm not worried. I'll see where the story wants to push through eventually and as long as it's a logical direction I'll help it along. I see a glimmer...not more than that, but it might be enough.

So far I've enjoyed writing these Haxan stories. I really don't care if any of them get published because I'm having so much fun writing them. I think they will find a home, sooner or later, but just feeling this way about writing is something I haven't experienced in a long, long time.

So I'm going to keep writing them and see where they take me. As long as I enjoy writing them I don't see myself stopping.

Monday...who invented it?

I got some work done this weekend despite myself. I wrote a couple of pages on the new story, "High Moon" and finished the final edit/polish of "Geppetto's Orphans".

Once I get going today (i.e. finish this coffee) I'll sit out on the deck and work on the new story. Oh, and there's lunch in there somewhere, too.

Of Mice and Rats

Best laid plans. Yeah. It's like that more often than not.

I came out on the deck and discovered the wind had blown my table umbrella to bits. A trip to Lowes and I have a brand new umbrella which provides better shade and I hope is sturdier.

Maybe I'll get some writing done after all. But I think I have to surf the 'Net first to see if I'm missing anything....

Oh, the places you'll go!

No place but the deck, actually. This weekend is set aside for nuttin' but writing. Oh, and I have to do the final polish/edit for "Geppetto's Orphans" which I'm thinking of renaming "The Emergence" but other than that I'll work on the new story. Me write gooder. That's the program.

Unless something comes up. Which can always happen in my rough and tumble life of never-ending slap-happy excitement. Not.

I did three pages on Thursday. That was a good start on the new story. I was telling my writing buddy if I wrote ten of these Haxan stories I might be able to pastiche them into a novel. Each one is running about 7.3K (give or take) so ten stories would be 73,000 words. Easy. And if I could sell one or two individual stories to magazines that would be better.

We'll see.

Oh, I got a personal rejection letter type thingy from Stan Schmidt at Analog. Kinda nice. I don't mind getting these so much. It's the badly-Xeroxed copies of "Get the hell outta here, ya bastid!" that sting. Although, to be honest, I haven't gotten one of those from a magazine in a long, long time. I actually feel pretty good about this. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. It's not the writing that holds me back anymore. That's not what prompts any rejection I get from magazines or publishers, I'm pretty certain of that.

Kinda certain. Pretty sure. Half-ass suspect.

Because, well, you know: Me write gooder.

And all that jazz....

Raising the Titanic One Word At a Time

In an effort to raise my profile I've started this new writing blog. I already have one at Live Journal, but it's come to my attention some writers who do LJ don't do Blogspot and vice versa.

So strap in, bunky, and hold on tight. It's gonna be a hell of a ride.